Antisocial.

I don't know what to believe in anymore, all this seems so false, so unreal. Sometimes I can't understand why people are so mean and I stand up and think: Is it me the problem? What am I doing wrong? Am I the bad person?. And I don't understand, I can't, even if I go round and round in my mind trying to figure it out... I think I'll never figure it out, I will die not knowing WHY all this is the way it is, with this doubt that's so big, so hard to live with, that eat you from the inside, slowly, and it hurts so much that sometimes I think that I can't deal with this anymore, I think about giving up and finaly die. Is that what you want, ah? You all want me to kill myself, you all want to make me suffer. 
But, I don't think that I'm that important to people, maybe it's all in my mind. I don't know, it's all so unclear, I want to shut my mind for once and be in peace, is this too much that I'm asking for?