Antisocial.

I don't know why everytime I fall I can't get out of my mind the thought of making myself bleed, hurting me till I can't feel nothing else but phisycal pain. I know it's not right, but I can't get it out, the demons are free, and I don't want that.
The only solution to this is not feeling bad, but I can't if people close to me keep puhing me and stabbing my soul, I need them to help me be, I need my peace, please, I never did anything wrong on prupose and everytime I apologize and explain the why of my acts, so please, don't confuse me.
Sometimes when everything goes right I think: "God, life's good", but then when I fall, I can't understand anything, I can't... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I feel incapable of everything, I paralize and my mind can't think in anything but that, in the bullshit the world is and sometimes I start thinking if anyone even loves me, if is that a fantasie of mine or what. I feel like I was bring to this world just to be an useless maggot god for nothing else than being a piece of shit. I don't know, something's wrong with me, I can't figure out why I'm in this planet, am I good for something? Did I do wrigt to anyone? I don't know and this is getting me crazy, I need clearness, GOD.